Fresh!burst Results12th February 2006
Introduction
FEATURING: TRUTH WATERS, GEORGE CASSIDY
AUTHOR: PIERRE HYDE
The “AWC in 2006” logo fills the screen, and then fades away to show a darkened arena. Abrupt fireworks on the stage, cheers, and then the lights suddenly flash bright with the grungy beginnings of “E-Pro” by Beck. The fans in the UIC Pavilion go wild, screaming their lungs out as the video screen bursts into action with highlights of 2005. All the big spots are there: Hate tossing Pierce Lavelle off the bus in the Streets Of London match; Jack Murphy’s flying Bull Charge on Tim Shipley in the Triangles structure; Lavelle’s Whiplash to send Alexander Strider into the fire at Solarized; and many more.
See me coming to town with my soul
Straight down out of the world with my fingers
Holding onto the devil I know
All my troubles will hang on your trigger
Take your eyes and your mind from the road
Shoot your mouth off but look where you’re aiming
Don’t forget to pick up what you sow
Talking trash to the garbage around you
The Transatlantic title belt fills the screen, momentarily fading through to a shot of Adam Dick, a sneer on his face having overcome Pierce Lavelle for the Transatlantic title at the first show of 2006, the gold draped across his shoulder. And then it’s white light.
Truth Waters: FIVE DAYS TO BLOODLUST, AND WHO WILL BURST FIRST?!
George Cassidy lets out an audible sigh.
Truth Waters: What’s the matter, Cassidy? Has your bubble burst?
George Cassidy: You know what, Truth, I'm kinda bursting for the bathroom so you finish this, K?
And Cassidy walks off.
Truth Waters: Well that was professional... alright guys, here’s the deal – five days to Bloodlust, and I'm supposed to do a recap of all that’s been announced, but there’s been a technical hitch and we’ve lost the use of our monitors. We don’t have paper notes, and we’re mindless drones and so can’t remember anything that was announced. So Hyde can go to bed now!
A Reason To Pray
FEATURING: SAGE, BUTTERFLY HAMADA, ???
AUTHOR: TASO
Sage: Hey, Megumi! Wait up!
Backstage area, Megumi "Butterfly" Hamada slowly walks along, minding her own business but watching and listening to everything going on around her at the same time. She stops walking when she hears Sage call her name. She doesn't turn to look at the young wrestler, now contracted back at the AWC training facility after it turned out she wasn’t quite ready for the bright lights, just stands there under a rolling lighting system as staff and workers mill around. Sage comes up to her and nods a greeting.
Sage: Haven't talked to you in a while. What's new? Congrats on your recent winning streak.
Butterfly Hamada: Thank you, Sage-san. How are you?
Sage: Not bad. Trying to work off this nagging leg injury so I can get back into AWC proper. Hey! I didn't know you were looking to tag or else I might have asked. You seemed a bit of a loner. Too bad, you signed up with a tag partner. We could have worked as a duo.
Butterfly Hamada: Hmph, I WASN'T looking for a tag partner. But I guess I found one, anyway.
The young woman looks around anxiously. Sage seems concerned.
Sage: This masked nut-job giving you problems?
Butterfly Hamada: No, no... he is fine. He is an eccentric fool that is looking for fame and fortune and not much more, but otherwise he is harmless.
Sage: So, what's the worry?
Butterfly Hamada: I can't say for sure, Sage. I cannot put my finger upon it. But this man, something about him seems to break down my defenses. And it angers me. I have told him things I have never told anyone else. He would have my entire life story if I gave him the chance.
Sage: Like what? He hitting on you?
Butterfly Hamada: No, he has not shown any interest in me... other then my wrestling and my life, my family and my home back in Japan. I even told him a story of the time I saw four young girls die in a very terrible fire that burned down my wrestling dojo. I told him how I actually have an unhealthy fear of fire since that time. And also, there is this connection growing between us, this seed of friendship. How strange, this shallow, silly, masked wrestler who acts the fool; how strange that we might share something in common. Because I do not make friends. I walk alone, I stand alone.
Sage: I noticed.
Butterfly blushed in embarrassment.
Butterfly Hamada: My apologies, Sage-san. I did not mean insult....
Sage: I'm like you, Megumi. Don't worry about it. Just lemme know, if you don't have faith in this Green Grappler guy, you want me to watch your back.
Butterfly Hamada: Thank you again, Sage. But no. Even with The Green Grappler tripping over his cape I think I can handle him and The Furious Fists. These are tedious dances we run through but I've memorized them now. Nothing Tim and Liam Martin do can surprise me. I like how everyone waves their hands as they drive along in their bandwagon, singing the praises of The Furious Fists. Regardless of my history with The Furious Fists, I would rather not hitch a ride with them, associate with a pair of idiots like that in any way. At Bloodlust, I WILL present the facts inside that ring, and everyone will serve as witness when the gavel strikes. The end. The Fists can lease space in my head for a little while longer, but soon the rent will become too high. I will serve the eviction notice, in mind, body, and spirit. And if they truly believe in God, then they better PRAY that all these other times they have invoked his name he was too busy with much more important things then their bullshit. This time, they better pray God listens, because I will give them a real reason to pray. Pray for mercy from me.
Butterfly walks away, and Sage shakes her head and goes the other direction. But the camera pans around a heap of equipment to find that someone has been listening to their conversation this entire time. Before their faces become visible they scatter into the shadows, laughing quietly to themselves. Two hulking figures with a new plan.
Heroic Henry vs Wayne Russell
STIPULATION: SINGLES
REFEREE: LARS LARSSON
SUMMARISER: JOE HAYNES
This was more of a fight rather than a match. You have Russell, who's from Pleasure & Pain, and a total amateur, Heroic Henry, taking each other. This is Henry's first match in years, and it showed. There were moments where he lost his tracking on the ring and slipped and there were vicious bumps after screwing up his climbs up the turnbuckle. Russell was basically spot-on for most of the match and was tearing Henry apart for the first couple minutes of the match; severe elbows to the face, a reverse piledriver, and Russell was finding an obsession with the ring corners. He would Irish-whip Henry into the corner and them keep him there for the duration while kneeing him in the stomach and continuing the vicious elbows. It wasn't long until Henry showed first blood, with a slash above his right elbow from an apparent face slam into the ring post. The evidence in front of everyone's eyes was enough to show Henry's inexperience, and the physical torment he was going through almost forced the ref, on two occasions, to stop the match. After ten minutes of absolute punishment, Henry found a second wind after rolling away from a leg drop. Crawling to the ropes, he pulls himself up and charges after Russell, screaming bloody gore and slapping the side of his head.
This was bizarre, without a doubt, but it had a way of working out when Henry speared Russell's midsection with his head. He lifted him up with his shoulder, linebacker-style, and quickly spun him around to slam him into the mat. The pop from the crowd was MASSIVE. Henry got back to his feet and pulled Russell along by his hair. He gets him to the middle of the ring and Irish-whips him into the ropes. As Russell's coming back toward Henry, Henry grapples Russell from behind and immediately executes a chicken-winged back suplex, otherwise known as The Hero In Me. The pin to follow is elementary.
Rising To The Challenge
FEATURING: HEROIC HENRY, CHARLES KENSRUE, DAVID "PEARL" HARBER
AUTHOR: TRENT
After a well-fought match between Heroic Henry and Wayne Russell, the former prepared to leave the ring. The crowd was suddenly panicked, but Henry is unaware of what happened – Charles Kensrue slid into the ring behind him. The hero is surprised as Kensrue levelled him from behind with a right hand, sending the victim face-planting into the mat. Kensrue followed with a series of boot stomps, trying to send a message to the already weary Heroic Henry who just wrapped up a full wrestling match. Kensrue picked him up and tossed him out of the ring, then called for a microphone from the ring crew.
Charles Kensrue: Ever since I got into this Club, not one thing has happened to me worth writing home about. That’s all about to change, because right now, I’m challenging Heroic Henry to a match at Bloodlust.
The crowd popped a little, then Kensrue looked to the screen where the angered face of Pearl stared back at him.
Charles Kensrue: Let me guess, you’re going to berate me again…
Pearl: Oh no, Charles Kensrue. You’ve already done enough to get on my last nerve, and quite frankly, I’ve already dealt with you enough. Let’s just say you won’t be invited over to dinner anytime soon.
Charles Kensrue: Fine with me. I want my match.
Pearl: Well, well, you seem to have a bit of a more tempered attitude as of late. Wrestling atmosphere getting to you?
Charles Kensrue: I want to kick this guy’s ass, Pearl, he sold me out.
Pearl: You sold yourself out when you came into AWC with some skeletons in your closet. Now, seeing as I don’t have time to deal with this anymore, you can have your damn match as the opener at Bloodlust, and that’ll be the end of it!
Charles Kensrue: That’s all I’m asking.
Pearl: And when I say let that be the end of it, I also mean let that be the end of you attacking people in my ring. It just doesn’t go over well with me. Go home, Charles, get some sleep, because you might be getting ready for the most intense event of your life.
The screen went black immediately, and Charles smiled to himself, looking around at the crowd. In this momentary ignorance, Charles was oblivious to Heroic Henry, who was back in the ring. Henry levelled his future opponent with velocity, then grabbed the dropped microphone.
Heroic Henry: Well, Charles, I wanted to be friends. Really! But now, I’m going to have to kick your ass. See you on Friday.
Learning To Love Turkish Delight
FEATURING: SARAH KENNEDY, RED ROCK, D'AVID, CAPTAIN SULEIMON, GENERAL RAHMAN
AUTHOR: TOM HOLZERMAN
Backstage, Sarah Kennedy is standing by with a focused Red Rock and D’avid.
Sarah Kennedy: Alright Red Rock, we’re just a few days away from Bloodlust, where you’ll be facing Captain Suleimon in an Ottoman Torture Chamber match. Do you have anything to say to the Captain?
Red Rock: Well, Sarah, I...
Just then, from out of nowhere, Suleimon pops out and nails Red Rock with a metallic object, sending Rock to the floor. D’avid tries to intervene, but he’s knocked to the ground with easy by a flailing Suleimon right hand. Suleimon bends down and grabs the head of a barely conscious Red Rock. He takes the metallic device, which turns out to be The Branks, a medieval torture device that held the tongue in place with a metallic spurred rod and prevented the victim from talking. Suleimon puts his fingers into Rock’s mouth, causing the young Englishman to gag, yanks out his tongue and places it in the device. Suleimon jerks to his feet and grabs the microphone out of a frightened Sarah Kennedy’s hand.
Captain Suleimon: No, Mr. Rock shall not speak of this match. No, he shall do no such thing. His mouth already got him in enough trouble, it got him in this predicament now, and it got him into the Ottoman Torture Chamber, a match that he cannot and will not win. Although his defeat will be swift, I don’t want him to lose just because he’s run out of gas before the end. Therefore, I shall make sure he’s well fed by feeding him his favorite dish...
General Rahman appears on-screen with a tin. Suleimon drops the mic and grabs the tin. Opening it up, he pulls out a Turkish Delight. Suleimon bends over and shoves the confection into Rock’s mouth.
Truth Waters: This is an outrage! Someone do something!
George Cassidy: I don’t think so, Truth. Red Rock’s getting everything that’s coming to him.
Suleimon grabs another Turkish Delight from the tin and shoves it in Red Rock’s mouth, taunting him at the same time. He goes to grab another from the tin, when finally, the AWC security team bursts through the door. Bruno Hague tackles Suleimon, Taz Yorke helps to restrain the Turk, while Butch Radder frees Red Rock from The Branks. Medical assistance soon follows in to attend to Red Rock.
Puppets And Pyro
FEATURING: THE GREEN GRAPPLER, DUMMY, THE FURIOUS FISTS OF GOD, BUTTERFLY HAMADA
AUTHORS: TASO AND SAM LANDRY
"Paradox 666" starts to play and the arena lights go green. Flashing strobes and blinking sirens go off, followed by silence… and then a big green spotlight shines down upon the wrestler's entrance. A loud pop erupts and a shower of green and white sparks tumble down across the steel ramp way.
Suddenly, a green pick-up truck roars out onto the steel ramp. It says "Wizard of Odd" across the hood, and the mask of the Grappler painted on the doors. The Green Grappler jumps out and spins around, waving to the fans.
George Cassidy: This boob again!?
Truth Waters: This boob and his partner have an Alliance title match coming up in just a few days at the PPV!
George Cassidy: And look what he did to The Furious Fists truck! He painted it green! He made a mockery of it!
Truth Waters: Wow, I think you're right! Just a few weeks ago, Butterfly Hamada and Grapps stole The Furious Fists Of God’s truck out of the parking lot! Hamada busted one of them with brass knuckles, and Grappler slammed the other with the door and off they went!
George Cassidy: They stole AWC employees’ VEHICLE and no one did anything about it! Why the hell were they in such a hurry to get out of town that day? I think immigration is after the both of them foreigners!
Truth Waters: The Fists will probably be looking for revenge after that fiasco, plus Tim Martin's loss two weeks ago to Butterfly Hamada at Bloodlust!
George Cassidy: He calls himself the "Wizard of Odd". I think a better nickname would be "Wizard of Ass Jockeys", myself.
Truth Waters: That's fantastic. You're such a non-biased son-of-a-bitch, you know that? The Green Grappler is heading toward the ring and I think he has a big suitcase with him. You see that box he is carrying, Cassidy? What's in it?
George Cassidy: Maybe he smartened up and is taking the next bus back to Tijuana. That idiot is going to get another Furious Fist to his ugly face if he sticks around here much longer.
The Green Grappler hits the ring to the cheers and jeers of the fans. He puts the large wooden suitcase down and then struts around the ring. Reaching under his cloak, he whisks out two green sparklers, like magic. He dances around and around, trying to get the fans behind him. He slides out of the ring and hands the sparklers to a pair of small children in the front row.
George Cassidy: Those are plants in the crowd! No one should or would take anything from this depraved lunatic. He wears a mask for a reason, you can bet on that. Probably a pedophile!
Greeny grabs a mic and a chair and stands in the middle of the ring, pointing out each and every fan that is cheering for him. Then he starts his schtick.
The Green Grappler: Holy Guacamole! It's the Wizard of Odd! Mister Wrestling with the creamy dressing! The masked luchadore who's sweet like candy to the core! Yeah! Shhhhhhhhhhh-asta McNasty!
Grappler does his jazz hands and pyro erupts from all four turnbuckles in a brilliant flash of green. The fans ooh and ah at the sight.
The Green Grappler: Lemme tell you all why I'm out here today. I played a terrible prank on a couple of dear old boys in the back, and I want to apologize. But since neither of them would probably want to come out here and accept it without trying to beat the "azz" off my pizzazz, I thought I would do the next best thing. I used my ventriloquism abilities, which are very cool by the way, gets me loads of chicks, to do a BAD thing. So now I want to use my masked super ventriloquism powers to some GOOD! So, without further adieu, I want you all to meet a very good friend of The Furious Fists of God. And he is right here! Everyone, say hello to the Grand Poo-Bah of Playa Hatin'… Adolf Martin!
Grappler sits down and opens the box and produces a little ventriloquist's dummy. Martin Martin is dressed in a KKK uniform with a swastika armband and a Hitler moustache over his hood. Grapps sets up the suitcase on its side and also produces a glass of water.
The Green Grappler: Hello Adolf Martin!
Dummy: HEIL! ZEIG HEIL! WHITE POWER!
The dummy is very silly and cute and people laugh, but it's a nervous laugh because nothing about Hitler or racism is actually that funny.
The Green Grappler: OK, ha ha! Take it easy there honky-tonk. You and me are out here today to talk about the issues of racism and ignorance that run rampant in the AWC, courtesy of the NEW Alliance Champions, The Furious Fists of God.
Dummy: TESTIFY MY WHITE BRETHREN! AND THE LORD SAITH, AND I SAITH UNTO HIM, PUTTETH THAT WAFFLE IRON DOWN! AND THA LORD SAYETH UNTO THEE, THEY, AND THOUGH, AND THOUTTHEST! THE HOUSE OF PANCAKES IS RUNNETH BY THE JEWS!
The Green Grappler: Can you relax please. You are making no sense!
Dummy: Put DOWN that maple syrup lest thee be strucketh with carnal thoughts of that jezebel, Aunt Jemima! A-BOOGEY-BOOGEY-BOOGEY! WHOOP! WHOOP! MAMMY! SWEET MAMMY OH M-IIIIIIIIIIINE!
The Green Grappler: Be serious for a second, please! We are out here to debate our sides of the story. You debate the racist, ignorant, religious zealot side and I will debate the other side. You know, the fact that The Furious Fists are wrong in everything they say and do, and how they aren't funny in the slightest and how it's very easy to get cheap heat with a cheap gimmick that they couldn't even pull off half-decently on their best day.
Dummy: I will beat your God damn brains in you beaner!
The Green Grappler: Can we stop the insults, please. And I am not Mexican by the way. I just trained in Mexico.
Dummy: Beaner-lover! Blasphemy! HEIL! ZEIG HEIL!
The Green Grappler: Won't you EVER stop with that stuff? C'mon, it's ridiculous.
Dummy: Can I tell a joke first?
The Green Grappler: A joke? OK, I guess we can hear a joke from you, ya little piece of white trash. Go ahead.
Dummy: A white man was out walking one day when he stumbled upon an old lamp hidden away in a remote place. When he picked up the lamp and rubbed it a sand monkey lookin' genie emerged. "I am the genie of the lamp," he said, "and I will grant you three wishes." The man was delighted with his good fortune and said, "I wish never to have to work again, to be able to have any woman I want, and to be able to keep it up all night." So the genie turned him into a NIGGER! HA HA HA! WHITE POWER!
The fans boo very loudly.
The Green Grappler: Hey, that's not right. That's awful.
Dummy: You like Pollacks? I love them Pollacks! The White Lod, he love'em the Pollacks!
The Green Grappler: God loves everyone.
Dummy: How do you get a one-armed Pollack out of a tree?
The Green Grappler: I don't know, but I'm afraid, ha ha, you're going to tell me!
Dummy: Wave to him! HA HA! God loves a good Pollack joke! Why did the Pollak cross the road? He couldn't get his dick out of the chicken. YEEEE HAW! Thank the White Lord for dumb Pollacks!
The Green Grappler: Now you listen here Adolf Martin! You might just be FUNNIER then The Furious Fists of God… in fact you are a HECK of a lot funnier then those two ass jockeys, but---
HALLELUJAH! HALLELUJAH!
The Green Grappler is cut off as Tim and Liam Martin appear on the big screen.
George Cassidy: They are coming to the ring!
Their music plays, the fans booing like mad, as Tim Martin hits the ring. His brother Liam stays on the outside and starts rummaging underneath the ring.
Tim Martin: What in the name of the Lord is this blasphemy!? Look at this display! Look at this chicanery and sin! FIRST of all, you stupid Mexican, you stole me and my brother's pick-up truck, and turned it into a BEANER-MOBILE!
The Green Grappler: Well, I'm not really Mexi—
Tim Martin: SHUT UP! Listen when the Lord's Children speak to you!
Dummy: THE LORD MUST'VE BEEN DRINKING THAT NIGHT!
Tim Martin: Hey! Gimme that!
Tim grabs the little white Nazi / KKK dummy and punts it right into the crowd. The people cheer as they rip it to pieces and throw it around. Meanwhile, Liam Martin has set up a table right by the aisle where the ramp way ends and the ring floor begins.
The Green Grappler: OH! Why did you do that? I was going to drink this glass of water and have little Adolf Martin sing "Sweet Chariot".
Tim Martin smack the glass of water out of The Green Grappler's hands. Grapps looks and acts scared. Then Tim kicks the chair out of the way and stands over him looking down. Grappler keeps backing up.
Tim Martin: You stick your nose in our business way too often for my taste, Corona Extra! It is time you PAID for your sins! It is time we CLEANSED YOU! The only way to cleanse a sinful bastard like you. Set that second table up, brother! We are going to have us a Baptism of Fire! RIGHT NOW! THE CRUSADE IS UPON US!
BAM! Tim Martin head butts The Green Grappler in the face. The fans erupt in a frenzy as Tim attacks.
Truth Waters: Sooner or later, The Grappler's taunts were gonna cause this! Tim Martin is now choking the life out of Grappler in the corner! Now stomping the hell out of him! He picks him up, standing head scissors… CONFESSIONAL!!! He hit that overhead power bomb with so much force; Grapps looks like he is dead!
George Cassidy: And Liam martin has set up a stack of two tables on the outside! They are going to put The Green Gaylord through the tables?!
Truth Waters: LOOK! Liam has something from under the ring… GAS CAN! He has GASOLINE in that can and he is POURING IT ON THE TABLES! He can't set that on fire in here!
George Cassidy: I slipped the fire marshall a glazed donut, everything is fine! Burn that punk!
Tim Martin:THE LORD HAS NO MERCY FOR A COCCAINE SMUGGLER LIKE YOURSELF! TEMPTATION WILL TAKE A TOLL ON YOUR BODY... LIGHT IT UP, LIAM!
The tables go up in a ball of red flame and black smoke. It is a towering inferno. Much worse then any table lit on fire with lighter fluid, and a million times more deadly.
Tim Martin: I'm gonna send you to HELL, blasphemer! You are just another religion-less victim of the crusade, an example of what happens when you cross the White Lord.
Tim puts Grapps in the power bomb position and stands near the ropes, ready to lift the man up and send him through the flaming tables. But suddenly, "Times Like These" hits and Butterfly Hamada comes running out from the back.
Truth Waters: Here comes the other half of Celestial Fury! Megumi Hamada is going to save Grappler's ass! She is heading to the ri — wait! She stopped! She can scoot around those burning tables, why did she stop?!
Liam Martin: Hey WHORE! Yes, you, Jezebel! Guess what we found out about you, devil bitch!? You don't like playing… with fire! Right brother?
Tim Martin: Do you fear the flames of repentance, sinner!? Do you fear the flames of the White Lord so much you won't even save the Tostitos Tornado?
Butterfly looks lost and scared. She wants to approach the ring but the flames are keeping her back.
Truth Waters: Butterfly is afraid of fire?! She sure looks like she doesn't know what to do!
Tim Martin: Look on in fear and desperate hopelessness, you slant-eyed slut! Your weakness becomes your tag team partners… DEMISE! PRAISE THE WHITE LORD!
Tim lifts Grappler up high on his shoulders and then throws him from the ring.
Truth Waters: HE'S ON FIRE! GET SOME HELP!
The Green Grappler is a broken mess amidst flames and sparks and smoldering wood. The fans are chanting "Holy Shit! Holy Shit!". A team of EMTs run to the floor and blast the smoking ruins with fire extinguishers, putting out the flames. Butterfly Hamada looks lost, worried, and helpless. She looks on but can't seem to move, can't seem to help. Inside the ring, The Furious Fists of God are triumphant.
Tim Martin: At Bloodlust, in just five days… we are going to baptize YOU, Butterfly! The new Alliance champions… Champions of the White Race…. will defend our newly won tag titles against you and that charred piece of Mexican crap… in a BAPTISM OF FIRE MATCH!
Liam Martin: Tell them the best part, my brother!
Tim Martin: Forget the burning tables! On each side of the ring there will be two huge open pits filled with FLAMING COALS! The first team to put an opponent into the brimstone wins the match and the titles!
The fans cheer at the sound of this insane and crazy stipulation.
George Cassidy: Christ!
Tim Martin: Listen good, wench! Who do you think is going into the flaming pits!? We just roasted your partner! Me and Liam are going to make sure YOU, Butterfly, taste the lapping tongues of hell PERSONALLY! BAPTISM OF FIRE! Your soul will be burn in hell! AND THE CRUSADE WILL ROLL ON!
Liam and Tim raise the tag titles up to the air, standing side by side.
Tim Martin: May God have Mercy on your poor, heathen soul!
Truth Waters: Baptism of Fire match! The champions, The Furious Fists of God, will put the titles on the line against Celestial Fury! Oh my God!
George Cassidy: All of this on Fresh!burst? Who’d’a thunk it?!
Encouragement?
FEATURING: AIMZ, JACK MURPHY
AUTHOR: FERGUS
Aimz: Oh God, look at those muscles.
You can tell from the tone in her voice, the sarcasm is dripping from her mouth at every angle. It's unclear who Aimz is talking about until the camera slides over her shoulder to see Jack Murphy doing some light exercise in the locker room. He turns and sneers at her.
Jack Murphy: I'm sorry but the line for a quick fix is down the hall and inside Pierce Lavelle's room.
Aimz: Nice... I'll have to keep that in mind for when you've your own steroid questioning.
Jack Murphy: Please, nothing but reality here. A reality you'd do well to stay away from.
Aimz stands with her hands on her hips, not giving one inch of ground. Murphy, already tired of the entire thing returns to focusing on his stretching and exercise.
Aimz: Whatever.
She walks slowly towards the locker next to Murphy and begins to put her gear bag into it. It is then that The Bull stops once more.
Jack Murphy: What are you doing?
Aimz: What does it look like asshole? I'm getting changed.
Jack Murphy: Nice try. Get out of here before I have to sic Dick on you again.
Aimz: Hey I know you like to spread the wealth amongst your own group of women, but I don't want anything to do with you.
Jack Murphy: Adam Dick... and you wonder why I don't want women in a wrestling ring.
Aimz: Oh you're going to try and tell me of all the bullshit sinning I'm doing against your crusade for the pure? Shut up, you're nothing but hot air in a steroid built balloon and forget about Adam Dick. I think I showed I can take care of him myself two weeks ago.
Jack Murphy: What I saw was a man taking his time to grind himself onto you as much as possible. It wasn't exactly a wrestling 'classic' if you could even call it wrestling. Come back to me when you've beat a real wrestler or a wrestler that actually cared about wrestling you.
Aimz: Keep going Jack you're doing a great deal to endear yourself to me right now. You think I give a shit about what happened. Face the facts; I beat the Transatlantic champion, something you have never done.
The Bull halts at this comment and looks at Aimz, who is quite smug with herself for the last comment. Murphy grits his teeth and keeps focusing on the exercise.
Aimz: Cat got your tongue?
Jack Murphy: Alright, you think you're so good... then prove it. Show me how tough you are and challenge Dick. If you can beat him again... then maybe you'll have a little more respect from me. MAYBE. Just don't come crying to me when I have to bail you out when the chips are down and it's looking grim ok?
Aimz: (raising eyebrow) You want me to do what?
Jack Murphy: Prove your worth. You said my cause is bullshit, so prove it. After all, even if that isn't incentive enough, hasn't Adam been a bit of... well a dick to you lately?
Aimz: Like I'm gonna just follow whatever you say.
Jack Murphy: Hey, you're the one who got so antsy over my beliefs earlier. You want to challenge them, then challenge them head on.
Aimz: Wouldn't that be you then?
Jack Murphy: You're not ready for that. Prove it here tonight against Dick and then maybe you'll get a proper chance to prove me wrong. Maybe.
Murphy stands up off the bench he was sitting at and walks off of camera, leaving Aimz alone in the locker room, clutching at her wrestling gear like she has been for the past couple of minutes. Her brow furrows for a moment before finally she tosses the wrestling gear to the bench.
Aimz: What a nerd.
Mike Carman vs Vince Jones
STIPULATION: SINGLES
REFEREE: MICHAEL RYAN
SUMMARISER: JEREMY J.
Alright...let’s get this show back on the road, ladies and gentlemen on this summarized-based Fresh!burst show. What we have next is Mike Carman taking on “The Violence” Vince Jones. Now, Carman has been on a bit of a losing streak, having bit of trouble trying to kick off his AWC career the way he wanted, but tonight, he can redeem himself facing Vince Jones. Will Mike Carman be able to defeat Vince Jones, or will his losing streak continue, pull a Shelton Benjamin, and bring in his mama? I suppose we’ll find out next.
“Stink Fist” by Tool plays a Mike Carman comes down to the ring. He is announced by James Brunt: “Making his way to the ring, from New York City, weighing 218 pounds...Mike Carman!” Yay! Woo! Let’s move on.
Then “Thug Luv” by 2Pac feat Bone Thugs in Harmony plays as “The Violence” Vince walks to the ring, as James Brunt announces Mike Carman’s opponent. “His opponent, making his way to the ring, from New York, New York. Weighing 269 pounds, he is ‘The Violence’ Vince Jones!”
Now that we got that boring shit out of the way, let’s get down to business, shall we? The bell rings, Mike Carman and Vince Jones are circling around the ring, waiting for one another to strike. Vince Jones moves in for an attack, but Mike Carman is too fast for “The Career Killa,” evading the attack, executing a dropkick in the back of Vince Jones’ head, making him stagger forward. Aggravated by this, Vince Jones turns around to see Mike Carman doing another dropkick, but Vince Jones swats him away like a vexing gnat, ready to capitalize on Carman’s mistakes.
Vince Jones picks up Mike Carman, knees him in the gut and throws a clubbing blow to the back of the “Cock Block’s” neck. Afterwards, he whips Carman into the ropes, ready for a Clothesline, but Carman counters with a Lou Thesz Press, bringing Jones down to the mat, throwing left and right stiff punches into the face. “The Carmanator” gets to his feet, grabbing Vince Jones’ left leg, drops an elbow and goes for a simple, textbook leg lock. Before he could cinch it in, Vince Jones overpowers his smaller opponent. Jones gets to his feet, blasting Carman on his ass with a powerful Clothesline. Truth Waters feels sorry for Mike while George Cassidy, being the typical heel commentator that he is, marks out for Vince Jones, calling him “My Nigga” and other heel garbage. Truth simply ignores his white, asshole counterpart.
Okay, back to the ring for more action. Vince Jones mounts Mike Carman, throwing punches, elbows and blatant chokes on Mike Carman. Referee Michael Ryan breaks up the onslaught, giving the 6’7” 269 pound man a warning. He shoves the referee out of the way, but didn’t have enough time to evade a Super Kick, courtesy of Mike Carman! Mike Carman goes for the first pin fall of the night...
ONE!
TWO!
Kick-out by Vince Jones. Mike Carman almost picked up the much-needed win to kick off his career in the AWC, but a Super Kick isn’t enough to subdue “The Violence.” “The Carmanator” picks up Vince Jones, gets behind him (no homoerotic jokes please), wraps his arms around Jones’ waist and goes for a German Suplex, but couldn’t pick the 270-pound Vince Jones. Mike Carman goes for another German Suplex attempt, but he torques his back, letting go of Vince Jones. Jones throws the point of his elbow right into Mike Carman’s face, breaking his nose. Afterwards, Vince Jones does a ghetto-looking mule kick and performs a Sit-Out Ace Crusher! (Stone Cold Stunner, Chart Topper, whatever suffices for your wrestling trademark names.) Vince Jones goes for the cover...
ONE!
TWO!
THR-
No! Kick-out by Mike Carman. Vince Jones picks up Mike Carman, whipping him into the ropes, but Mike Carman has other plans, attempting a Hurricanrana, but “The Violence” counters with an earth-shattering Sit-Out Power Bomb! Jones gets to his feet, picking up Mike Carman, whips him into the lower right-hand corner of the ring and performs a Running Clothesline, sandwiching Carman into the corner. He throws a couple of punches, some elbows, then uses a boot choke, breaking it after the count of four. Keeping the momentum in his favor, he throws Mike Carman in the middle of the ring with a huge Hip Toss! Vince Jones does a cutthroat, signifying the end of the match. Vince Jones walks over to his opponent, getting him a vertical base and locks in an Inverted Headlock. He picks him up, hanging him there for a few seconds then drops him on his head with the Silencer (Inverted Brain Buster DDT). He goes for the pin...
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
Referee Michael Ryan calls for the bell as “Thug Luv” plays on the PA system.
Mike Carman’s losing streak continues in the AWC. Perhaps Mike Carman’s position in the AWC is a jobber.
When You Wish Upon A Star
FEATURING: SAMANTHA TAYLOR
AUTHOR: BEN SANDERS
Without warning, the AWC big screen suddenly sprung to life on Fresh!burst. What exactly was happening was unknown to all, until a rather lovely woman appeared on-screen.
Long, soft brown hair framed her features as she seemed to look out over the crowd, sizing them up before speaking.
Voice:The following picture has been rated “G” for Good!
Silliness aside, the Disney classic “When You Wish Upon A Star” begins to play, and a montage of events roll on the screen.
When you wish upon a star
Makes no difference who you are
Anything your heart desires
Will come to you
The world-famous theme park, Disney World, appears for all to see. Confusion reigns for several seconds, until the same woman becomes visible, dressed up as the famous princess Cinderella. She poses for pictures with the park guests, lighting up young faces left and right.
If your heart is in your dream
No request is too extreme
When you wish upon a star
As dreamers do
The young woman can next be seen on the ice, gliding effortlessly on a pair of skates. Still dressed in her regal princess attire, she performs a double axel, followed by a double toe loop. Skating away, she wears a broad smile, gracefully skating off the ice.
Fate is kind
She brings to those who love
The sweet fulfillment of
Their secret longing
Finally, she appears in the ring at AWC’s training facility. Having lost her gown in favor of a pink singlet, she can be seen performing various maneuvers. A hurricanrana here, a cartwheel to evade there. Ultimately, she ascends to the top rope, performing an impressive corkscrewing double stomp, before picking up her opponent, shooting him into the corner, and coming out with her patented tornado DDT, the Magic Teacup.
Like a bolt out of the blue
Fate steps in and sees you through
When you wish upon a star
Your dreams come true
Sitting up, she looks into the camera, waving somewhat shyly, before finally working up the courage to speak.
Samantha Taylor: Hi! I’m Samantha Taylor! Next week, I start making all your wishes come true!
And, on that curious note…
“Princess” Samantha Taylor
Coming to AWC.
Do As You Wish... At Your Peril
FEATURING: TRACY, SARAH KENNEDY, ELLIS NASH
AUTHORS: MIKE S. AND PIERRE HYDE
We join AWC’s most beautiful (hey, what about Fredrock? - Ed.) star, Tracy, as she stands with her arms folded across her massive chest. To her side stands another of AWC’s beautiful people in Sarah Kennedy. The interviewer has a mic in her hand, which she brings to her lips.
Sarah Kennedy: Hi Tracy, do you mind if I ask you some questions?
Tracy: I suppose not.
Sarah Kennedy: Do you have any comments about the tape that your boyfriend Chainz showed Ellis Nash and the world a few weeks ago that set off a whirlwind of controversy?
Tracy: First off, fiancé, he’s my fiancé. As for that tape, I really don’t want to think about it. It was gruesome and sick, but Ally is still alive. Michael was a monster back then…
This must be heaven as another beauty, Ellis Nash (what, STILL no Fr’ock? - Ed.), comes bolting into frame.
Ellis Nash: Back then? He’s just as sick and deluded now as he was then, missy.
Ellis Nash wastes no time getting into the taller Tracy’s face. Though Tracy is a bit taller she is no match for the professional wrestler as she cowers a bit.
Tracy: You haven’t known him as long as I have. Could you please get out of my face?
Ellis ponders it and finally backs down a bit.
Ellis Nash: Like, ya, your boobs are choking me to death. So your fi--- I can’t even say it. Your man almost killed my sister and poisoned her against me in the process. Now he wants to impregnate me---
Tracy: He did, but he doesn’t anymore, he’s changed.
Ellis Nash and Sarah Kennedy share a bemused look.
Sarah Kennedy: I don’t know about that, some people don’t change.
Tracy: I promise you, he’s seen the error of his ways. All this mess has been affecting his wrestling. His match with Hate was completely one sided because he couldn’t focus on it, all he could focus on was the shit storm around him.
Ellis Nash: EARTH TO TRACY, wake up already. I can’t believe you’re falling for his lies. Hasn’t he done enough to you for you to finally leave him? Go pick up some emo dude…
Tracy: I love him, I’ll never leave him.
Ellis Nash: Don’t say I didn’t warn you when he gets fed up with you and resorts back to his twisted ways.
Tracy: He won’t, he loves me too. One day we’ll get married and everything will turn out fine. I’ll give him the child he’s always wanted, but until then I’m going to help him fight his demons and reach the potential he has. He can be a great man.
Ellis Nash: That motherfucker will never be anything but a rapist. A dirty, vulgar, violent pedophile.
Tracy: Shut up!
Ellis Nash: He’s a waste of flesh and ruins the earth with his very existence. He’s a murderer, a sick twisted freak who fucks dead bodies. Like… eww.
Tracy: (in tears) Shut up! He was sick, but he’s getting better. I’ve helped him.
Ellis Nash: Helped him, what, rape girls? You’re just as bad since you stay with him even though you’re aware of everything he’s done. That pile of shit is nothing more than a mistake made by---
Unable to hear anymore Tracy slaps Ellis as tears pour down her face. The slap makes a loud noise, but isn’t very effective. Ellis winds back and gives Tracy a slap of her own, this one a lot more powerful. Tracy falls to the ground, holding her cheek and crying. She looks like a confused and distraught mess.
Ellis Nash: Oh and tell your fiancé that at Bloodlust I’m going to get my revenge… and if you thought what Hate did to him was brutal, just you wait and see what I have planned for him. I want his ass in a Do As You Wish match where I can do whatever the fuck I like. And more importantly, I’m going to get his ass in a Do As You Wish match where I can do whatever the fuck I like.
Ellis storms off as Tracy just sits on the ground sobbing. It’s obvious she’s trying to help her lover the best she can, but it’s drawn a lot out of her. Sarah Kennedy looks on before leaving without helping the fallen woman.
Shaping For A Showdown
FEATURING: DAVID "PEARL" HARBER, SASHA VOLKYEVA, NORTON & BRIDGES, PLEASURE AND PAIN
AUTHOR: ADAM ST. OURS
KNOCK! KNOCK!
I know it's a generic opening but sometimes things just need a simple build. The camera opened staring straight at a brown door as a clenched fist knocked the door twice.
"Come in..."
The booming, unmistakeable voice of Pearl Harber rang through the door and the office door of the Entertainment Co-Managers pushed open. Into the picture walked Chuck Norton and Russ Bridges, indicating that one of them was the owner of the previously mentioned fist. Strolling into the room, Norton & Bridges were greeted by Sasha and Pearl at their desks.
Pearl: Finally Norton & Bridges come to sing me a song...
Sasha Volkyeva: Oh, please...
Chuck Norton: Sorry Pearl... We are here on official business.
Pearl: Let me guess, Pleasure And Pain...
Russ Bridges: Who?
Chuck Norton: No, we want a match with The Russells at Bloodlust. They destroyed our guitars! OUR private property!
Sasha tuts loudly – Norton & Bridges turn to look at her as if having noticed her for the first time.
Sasha Volkyeva: Pleasure And Pain are Wayne Russell and Tiara Belle Russell.
Russ Bridges: Really?
Volkyeva’s second cluck of the tongue could break any man.
Chuck Norton: Okay then we want a match with Pleasure and Pain...
Sasha Volkyeva: Personally, I think they were perfectly justified to destroy the instruments. The pair of you are frankly a nuisance.
Chuck Norton: Yeah, but I don't care what you think. I'm here to ask the Entertainment Manager for a match.
TUT!
Chuck Norton: What?
Sasha Volkyeva: I am the Entertainment Co-Manager...
Sasha motions towards the little sign that sits on the desk reading "Sasha Volkyeva - Entertainment Co-Manager."
Russ Bridges: Entertainment Co-Managers? Why aren't you guys like "Co-Entertainment Managers" or something that sounds normal?
No-selling Russ' question Sasha Volkyeva looks up at Chuck.
Sasha Volkyeva: Fine, you can have your match. It will give "The Russells" a chance to shut you up... for good. Can we hope?
With a smile Norton & Bridges turned to leave the room. As they reached the door, Wayne Russell and Tiara Belle turned into the office of the Entertainment Co-Managers. Pearl rolls his eyes, muttering under his breath to the blonde Russian alongside him.
Pearl: Here we go...
Sasha Volkyeva: (loudly) Wayne, Tiara, come in!
Tiara Belle: We want a match for Bloodlust! Something big! Something important! Give us The Unfuckables!
Wayne Russell: You do realise that they lost the Alliance belts...
Tiara Belle: Yes, but if we beat them we will be in line for the Alliance belts.
As Tiara turned to speak to her husband, she noticed that Norton & Bridges had remained in the locker room, grinning from ear to ear.
Tiara Belle: What are you two still doing here?
Chuck Norton: Just curious as to who you are going to be facing! Should be HUGE!
Pearl: (cutting in) Sorry to interrupt you guys, but Pleasure And Pain will be facing Norton & Bridges at Bloodlust.
Tiara Belle: What?
Wayne Russell: What?
Chuck Norton: HUGE!
Tiara Belle: I am not sharing the ring with those jokes!
Chuck Norton: I guess you are...
Russ Bridges: See you guys on Friday!
Leaving, looking very pleased with themselves Norton & Bridges exit the office and leave Pleasure And Pain with the Entertainment Co-Managers.
Tiara Belle: What the...?
Sasha Volkyeva: They asked for it.
Pearl: And it gives you a chance to finally shut them up!
...
Pearl: But really what is your problem with their music?
Wayne Russell: Dude... Why ask such a stupid question?
Instead of answering Pearl, Tiara eyeballs her husband and storms out of the room.
Wayne Russell: I'm going to pay the price for that for a long time...
Wayne follows as Pearl and Sasha return to the generic paperwork that will help me finish this off. Yes, I know it was simple, contrived and not really that interesting (and full of Hyde’s input - Ed.) but I want to be booked for the PPV so I've done it. Now fade to the pretty “AWC in 2006” logo.
Collision Course vs Tempered Steel
STIPULATION: DUO TAG
REFEREE: RICHIE TRAVIS
SUMMARY SUMMARISER: PIERRE HYDE
“So this match is on Fresh!burst?”
“Yep.”
“So we do a summary?”
“That’s right.”
“And who’s doing that?”
“Bryan.”
“Bryan – handler of Collision Course Bryan?”
“The one and only.”
“So where is it?”
“Not here yet.”
“WHAT? It’s only a summary!”
“I know, I know…”
“And we REALLY need to get the show up – half the PPV is announced tonight!”
“Tell me about it.”
“So what do we do?”
“I don’t know! You could write a summary?”
“Yeah, I could, but I kinda can’t be bothered…”
“You WHAT?”
“I know. I know. I’m the suckiest fed-head ever. Go join cW instead.”
“Yeah. They wouldn’t do this.”
“Hey. You’re meant to support me here.”
“But you said – “
“Never mind what I said! Come on, you got any bright ideas?”
“Well, the point of the summaries was to make the match writer’s job easier…”
“That’s right.”
“…because it seemed like too much work to do a full match in PPV week.”
“Uh-huh.”
“Yet now, it seems like too much work for you to do a summary in PPV week.”
“Alright, don’t rub it in…”
“So why don’t you make it easier for yourself by doing a summary summary?”
“Hang on, I need to just delete that repeated word…”
“No, it’s intentional, O Spell Check Devil! Summarise the summary!”
“WHAT?”
“You heard me – read me – whatever.”
“How do I do that?”
“Like this…”
Tempered Steel won this match by pinfall after eleven minutes of solid tagging work from both teams. Jiro Sennosuke didn’t seem too happy about how Joey Six lost the match for them, but maybe he had his mind on other things – like Allison, whose admission to being the very Ally Nash who Chainz attacked all those years ago has rocked everyone in AWC’s world this week.
“Ah. I see.”
From All Angles
FEATURING: ADAM DICK, AIMZ, JACK MURPHY, DAVID "PEARL" HARBER
AUTHORS: JOE SCHMIDT, FERGUS, KATIE AND PIERRE HYDE
Violet. Regal. Royal.
Just walkin' the streets death can take you away
It's never guaranteed that you'll see the next day
At night the evil armies of Shaton don't play
So defend the family that's the code to obey
“Family Business” by the Fugees.
But if I fall asleep and death takes me away
Don't be surprised son, I wasn't put here to stay
At night the evil armies of Shaton don't play
So the family sticks together and we never betray
As to be expected, the Transatlantic King steps out from behind the curtains. Shit-eating grin firmly locked in place, the man makes his way to the ring with a microphone.
George Cassidy: I love the Face’s new theme. It’s so... urban.
Truth Waters: Down with the hood, eh G?
George Cassidy: Word.
Careful not to knock his crown wayward, Adam Dick climbs the steps and slides into the ring. Of course his crown stays intact because he is a fucking bad ass. He goes over to the ring ropes to stare at James Brunt sitting in his little corner.
Adam Dick: What our $6.50 an hour ring announcer failed to mention just now is that your King, Adam Dick the Illustrious Transatlantic Face-Eater, has decided to grace you with his presence.
Brunt sticks his tongue out.
Adam Dick: Fuck you very much. Now, what I was going to say before I had to announce to you retards that Royalty is in front of you, is somewhat important. Being that I’m the Transatlantic champion, I feel that this company is represented in my light. And then I go and lose to Aimz. Now that doesn’t look right. I know, I know... IT WASN’T MY FAULT! Any hick with a VCR (not to be mistaken for an Aristocrat with TiVo, like myself) can tell you that these new referees are PUSSIES. I mean, come on, taking a bump from a female? That knocks you out cold? I HAD THE FUCKING PIN GOD DAMMIT!
The fans boo ferociously at Adam’s discredit of Aimz.
Adam Dick: You think that Aimz would have won in any normal circumstance? FUCKNO, and it’s not because she’s a chick. It’s mostly because she’s just idiotic and a melodramatic to boot. I didn’t care in 2001 about her. I didn’t care in 2002. I sure as hell didn’t care in 2003. I’m pretty sure she died in 2004. We all know about 2005. So, let’s make 2006 the year of “No Aimz”.
A lot of the fans boo. While the Red Raver’s face-turn is still shy away, her position against the current Transatlantic champ has earned her a few cheers.
Adam Dick: Not only is SHE pinning your TA champion in feats of cheapness and pure whorish intentions, but we’ve also got these two faggots walking around with Wade’s and my Alliance titles. That doesn’t fucking fly. You think we didn’t like being triple and double champs, Tim and Liam? You can pretend you deserve those fucking belts, but you know the second we step in the ring for a rematch you may as well just skip the week and Fed-Ex that shit to my doorstep.
Truth Waters: I figured the only thing the Face-Eater would Fed-Ex is pot.
George Cassidy: Certainly easier than shipping chopped up baby fetus! Just ask Chainz.
Adam Dick: So all these mother fuckers think I’m just a stairway to the top of this fed? Like I’m an EASY CLIMB? Right, Jack Murphy, you should go back to concentrating on winning your own matches before you start showing a vested interest in mine. One needs to be considered a contender before they get a shot, and frankly you’re at the bottom of my totem poll of “To-Fuck Up” list. Chuck Norton’s up there, maybe I’ll destroy Hate and Anton Assault at the same time, hell even that donkey-jockey Charles Kensrue holds more merit than you’re potato stew smelly mother fucking ass.
The resulting reaction from the fans is pretty mixed. While most everyone dislikes Jack Murphy, the consensus is that they dislike Adam Dick just a bit more.
Adam Dick: Does it look like I’m fucking around? I’m the unstoppable giant in this place and everyone wants to turn their heads. Well there’s no turning from this you shit-eaters. This is AWC at it’s peak. This is---
“24” by Jem.
Yeah, the Red Raver is here.
Truth Waters: And here comes Amy Campbell, storming from the back!
George Cassidy: I thought I smelt VD.
Truth Waters: And look at the fans getting behind her, they really want to see some action tonight!
Aimz: At first I thought we were hitting Code Red or something, hearing this whiney pitch like an evacuation alarm was going off. Then it sounded faintly recognizable, and I remembered that your bitching is incessant and unwanted. So go backstage, nurse your wounds and be happy you aren’t booked against me at Bloodlust for your Transatlantic title. At least you can say you kept it for at least a week longer than you should have. That is, if we aren’t counting my win two weeks ago.
Adam Dick: Right, he-bitch, like you have any room to talk about whiney bitching. Don’t you have an overdose to take or an AA meet you should be skipping to fuck a male prostitute? Run along and allow the big boy to finish his super promo — you’re pissing off AWC’s investors with your presence.
Aimz: Last I checked, I need to cash in on a well deserved title shot, so that’s what I’m doing.
The fans cheer wildly at the prospect of a titled contest between the two.
Truth Waters: Whoa, Aimz calling the champion out!
Adam Dick: You want some? You fucking want some?!? I WILL DESTROY YOU, THE SHIRE, AND ALL OF YOUR FUCKING HOBBIT FRIENDS, BITCH!
Aimz merely shrugs, continuing her casual stride towards the ring.
Adam Dick: Well bring it the fuck on, skankface, we’ll see how well you can hang.
Adam sets his crown in the corner of the mat, and waits in the far corner, allowing Aimz the chance to get in the ring.
George Cassidy: Is she really going in there?
Truth Waters: Looks like we’re getting the confrontation we’ve been waiting for!
George Cassidy: After this, Aimz will forget the name Corg ever existed!
As Aimz slides under the bottom rope, Adam charges at her as quick as possible. She tries to push herself to her feet in time to defend herself, but receives his boot stiffly to the side of her face without warning.
Truth Waters: Come on, now this is just unfair! He’s slamming her head into the mat!
George Cassidy: She thought she could hang. It’s a lesson everyone needs to learn.
With a fit of rage fueling her escape, Aimz powers out of Adam’s hold and pushes to her feet. As Adam approaches her from behind, she quickly thwarts his plans by drilling an elbow into his stomach.
Adam Dick: That kinda hurt you stinky crotched whore!
Boom, knee right to her nose. Aimz drops immediately, clutching her nose as the warm, painful sensation overtakes her sinuses. Before allowed a moment to react, Adam acts in kind, drilling his heel into her stomach.
Over.
And over.
And over.
Truth Waters: This is getting sick! She’s practically defenseless.
Adam Dick: DO YOU SEE WHY WE DON’T PLAY GAMES HERE?!?!
He leans down and grips Amy by the hair, jerking her to her knees violently.
Adam Dick: Get up.
She doesn’t comply right away like he’d hoped, so he punishes her for not listening.
Adam Dick: I SAID GET UP!
Kneeing her in the face again, Amy takes a large stumble to her feet with red beginning to creep its way out of her nostrils.
George Cassidy: YES! Eaterplex that bitch back to Tuesday two weeks ago!
However, Facey stops in mid-stride from his assault as a song playing over the PA system catches his fancy. 'Seven Faces' by Slayer no less.
Truth Waters: What the....?
George Cassidy: He said he'd do it and here he comes! The saviour!
Flying down the aisleway rushes Jack Murphy, much to the surprise of the crowd but they cheer nonetheless. Dick takes a look and chuckles and then returns to beating the hell out of Aimz. Murphy slides into the ring and Adam turns to greet him, with a big smile on his face.
Adam Dick: Hey, I'm cool with threeways if you are you know what I mean? Want a...
The Transatlantic champion is cut off however as a MONSTER clothesline almost takes his head off in one fell swoop. The crowd explodes at the turn of events. Murphy follows things with stomps to Dick's body, pushing him into a corner, away from Aimz.
Truth Waters: This is just insane! We've got three wrestlers in there who are right at the top of their games right now and they're beating the ever living hell out of each other... for what?
George Cassidy: For the fun of it Truth, for the fun of it. (grabs popcorn)
Murphy has by now pulled Dick back up to his feet and whips him off the nearby ropes. The Bull winds up with his boot to deliver a kick to the head but is cut off from doing so as Aimz comes flying from the side, catching Dick before Murphy can with an enziguri. Jack smiles bemused at this and then continues in beating the tar out of Dick.
Truth Waters: Is Jack... helping Aimz?
George Cassidy: No... no he can't go against the crusade!
Truth Waters: Certainly looks like it!
Murphy and Aimz have Dick now and they push him off the ropes, bringing him back and the two of them flapjack the champion right to the mat. As they stand up to the rapturous applause and cheering from the crowd, Murphy brings himself to bear on Aimz.
Truth Waters: Uh oh...
Voice: Enough! Enough of this!
Surprisingly from the aisle is heard David “Pearl” Harber, at some point having joined the proceedings.
George Cassidy: I don't remember his music.
Truth Waters: Writer got lazy.
George Cassidy: Ah.
Pearl: That is enough! There will be no more senseless beating here tonight.
Adam Dick: Thank you! I knew you were acting in the best interests in the company Pearl when you let me enter into this current business partnership that we have.
Pearl: Be thankful it was Sasha who agreed to that, not me!
Adam Dick: (shocked) I... well, what are you doing! Get these cretins out of here!
Pearl: And why would I do that Adam? Common courtesy?
Adam Dick: Yeah!
Pearl: I don't know...
Adam Dick: Oh come on! The two of them have been a nuisance around me. It's not like they're capable of beating me when it matters anyhow. Always got to have a sneaky motive. I could easily take them both and beat them...
Dick stops and looks at Harber who face has lit up. Adam's eyes bulge and he begins shaking his head rapidly.
Pearl: What an idea Adam! Maybe I was wrong about your business partnership, because that doesn't sound half bad. IF you're so cocky, then let's see how you do this Sunday...
Adam Dick: No...
Pearl: Yes...
Pierre Hyde: NO! FRIDAY!
Pearl: Ah. Right.
Adam Dick: Ahem.
Pearl: ALRIGHT! IF you’re so cocky, then let’s see how you do this Friday...
Adam Dick: Do we really have to do this ag---
Truth Waters: Just go through the motions already!
Pearl gives Dick a glare, knowing they’ve (Hyde’s) royally fucked up what the writer of this segment probably thought was a great moment.
Pearl: IF you’re so Friday---
George Cassidy: Oh for God’s sakes!
Adam Dick: Shall I do this? IF I'm so---
Pearl: LAST try! I promise!
Truth Waters: Jeez...
”YOU FUCKED UP!” is getting louder and louder.
Pearl: IF you’re so cocky, then let’s see how you do this Friday...
Adam Dick: Gee, how original. Um... line?
James Brunt: NO!
Adam Dick: YES! Give me the damn line!
James Brunt: NO!
Adam Dick: Huh?
Pearl: NO! That’s the line!
Adam Dick: Oh. Wanna go again?
Pearl: Not really...
Adam Dick: Oh come on.
Pearl: FINE. Everyone...?
Harber looks around. Murphy is seeing to his boots. Aimz appears to be doing pilates. George Cassidy is asleep.
Pearl: OK! IF you’re so cocky, then let’s see how you do this Friday...
Adam Dick: No...
Pearl: For the Transatlantic championship...
Adam Dick: No...
Pearl: In a handicap match against Aimz AND Jack Murphy!
Adam Dick: Shit.
Pearl: THAT’S RIGHT!
Adam Dick: No, I mean shit, we nailed it. Good job.
He bolts out of the ring, too quick for Aimz or Murphy to get at him. As they look on Murphy keeps an eye on Aimz, very aware of the fact of what he told her earlier.
And the show ends, just like that.
And Hyde resolves to stop butchering segments, since this probably won’t read so funny in the morning.